The Letter I Can't Send

Aleck,
I thought of you today. It's nothing new, I think of you most every day. After all, it's next to impossible to get through a day without seeing anything blue.. I regret so much when it comes to my life, but one of the biggest is you. How I treated you, how much I loved you, and how much I still do. That girl you knew was a lie, so many piled on top of each other that even I can't figure out what the real me might be.
I regret abusing the fact that you opened your home, your safe place, to me. I regret tearing you and Sir apart, even if I know you two have a love that will last forever. I regret that I may have ruined my only chance at a romantic relationship with a girl I love more than words. I regret that my actions never reflected that love.
What's done is done, and as much as talking about it can help, it's in the past now. The fact is, for reasons beyond me Sir has given me an opportunity to become a part of his life again. I don't intend to fuck it up this time. I am going to be the best me I can be. I'm going to start this off as a fresh start, and have the relationship I know we can have. So, here's the thing, at some point... a long way down the road.. I hope you and I will be living together again. I don't know how that's going to work. I know that you and I have to at least learn to tolerate each other. I say that, but I know I can tolerate you. I just have to make sure that my feelings of rejection don't turn me into an uber bitch again. We love the same man. You've been better to him, for longer. But I love him too. I hope you don't see this until we're much further down this road of 'trust building'. I hope that you know I'm back in the picture for good, and I want desperately for you and I to at least be friends. I hope that 5 years from now those months are just a small dark spot in a sea of (mostly) good. I know I'll mess up again, I have no doubt. It won't be the same ways, and it won't be as intentional.
I guess the bottom line is I'm sorry, I love you, and I want us to make a truce... K?
Shelle